Hopefully this pic will make you read this blog

Like many people I was stunned by the verdict finding Amanda Knox guilty. It goes against what most sane people agree is the essence of justice which is that you’re innocent until proven ugly. What’s wrong with this Third World Italian legal system?! Well, I can tell you – a central plank of Italian law is the “legge della ricreazione” (“law of the playground”), whereby you’re allowed to be horrible to girls you fancy. That’s the only possible explanation.That extra year in the sentence which has confused many commentators – 26 instead of the 25 for her ex-boyfriend (note, lads, it’s “ex-boyfriend”, she’s still available) – is what’s known in Italian law as “tirare i capelli”, (“pulling her hair”) – a standard element of the law of getting back at girls you quite like.

We shouldn’t have been surprised that Amanda (and lets call her Amanda) got sent down to a chorus of “good luck with the lesbian inmates” jokes. Luckily for her, she’ll most likely be freed on appeal using Berlusconi’s new too-hot-to-rot-(in-jail) law, although according to the strict letter of Italian law, the only way she could have gotten away with it is if she’d been prime minister. I suspect, however, that much of the outcry in this case is because we like our murderers and paedophiles to look like monsters, something which, in this country, we tend to achieve quite well. Rose West is clearly a monster, it doesn’t surprise us she’s evil, but  a hot chick like Knoxy? Surely not…

Another pic to keep you reading

Not only that but this hot chick was allegedly (I know I don’t have to say that now, but it hurts not to), allegedly involved in a sex crime. Yes, it ended horribly, brutally (and this is a terrible crime, I don’t mean to offend. Just bear with me for the sake of biting satire), but basically, deep down, it still allows us to think of Amanda Knox sexually. Amanda Knox having sex. If Susan Boyle had committed this crime we wouldn’t be so interested, but no, it’s the Fox. That’s the hidden whisper going on all the time: she’s sexual, fellas. Dodgy sex, taboo sex. She’s not only hot, she’s dirty.  Hey, newspapers, please tell us more about her loose morals, we want to know!…

No? Just me?

Well, me and Freud.

Ultimately, in this meedja world, as any politician will tell you – it’s all about how photogenic you are. Even as a victim. In this country we have a law of column-inches which seems to hint that it’s a greater crime to kill an attractive person like Rachel Nickel. It’s worse to abduct someone like Maddy than Shannon Matthews whose mum and stepuncle (what the hell is that?) just weren’t hot like Maddy’s and who ended up having abducted her themselves and going to jail which is exactly what we thought felt right all along. I mean, just look at them!

Sexy Gordon Brown knows that looks are everything

Of course, it’s more complicated than that. Kate McCann suffered a backlash because she was perceived to be a bit cold. She was the attractive girl who didn’t really talk to us and therefore, according to the “legge della ricreazione”, we were allowed to pull her hair. But there’s no doubt that looks play a huge part in the judgements we make, in who we really feel sorry for. Amanda Knox – I find you guilty on the charges of being attractive.

Oh yeah, and her ex-boyfriend did some bad stuff too. What was his name again?

Chicken Licken and Foxy Knoxy is a post from: David Schneider's website

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Thierry Henry in training

Thierry Henry: “Well tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be Maradona…”

And as Thierry disappears through the smoke in front of the “Stars in Your Eyes” doors (always slightly unsettling for anyone who’s seen “The Fog”), we curse him for eliminating the Irish through cheating, yet thank him for helping create that excellent pun about people getting fed up with the whole story suffering from Thierry Ennui (thanks to @rhodri for spotting it first).

Of course if you asked most Irish people whether they’d rather go to the World Cup or have Jedward win the X-factor they’d all say the latter. Of course they wouldn’t. Their pain and fury is understandable. And me making jokes about the French football team having also qualified for the Basketball World Cup probably doesn’t help either. It hurts to be robbed like that. That’s why this updated Wiki entry for Henry must have felt so good (I think we can hazard a guess that Fletchlives2009 is Irish). Really, though, it’s the definition of “Luck of the Irish” that needs changing.

But can we really blame Thierry? He just did what every footballer would have done except Paolo di Canio when he didn’t put that goal past that injured goalkeeper. Although there was nowhere near as much at stake then and he was probably trying to offset for the ref pushing over incident the comedy gods once offered us (nowadays, of course, that ref would be booked for diving). Cheating, bending the rules is a part of sport – look at Formula 1. I genuinely think it would be massively improved if they allowed ALL forms of cheating. Haven’t they seen Wacky Races? It was brilliant.

ThierryHenrygate, le gate de Thierry Henry, reminds me of the MPs expenses hypocrisy. We rant and rave but ultimately wouldn’t we have done the same?  Well, not me, I feel guilty if I don’t use Frequent Use shampoo often enough (I wish that was a joke but it’s not). But can you look me in the eye and tell me in all seriousness that if it was within the rules you wouldn’t have bought yourself a duck island?  Really? Honestly?

I feel for Thierry . He’s a great player who now, because of one understandable, spur-of-the-moment Awful Piece of Vicious and Nasty Cheating will always be remembered as Maradona Lite. He is the man from the “You shag ONE sheep!” joke.

La Main de Dieu, the hand of Frog. Time to cancel that holiday to Galway, Thierry.

Luck of the Irish, idiom., colloq. – shafted by a Frenchman.

(PS here’s the sheep joke from a randomly Googled bloke complaining about the attention he got for writing ONE article about Digital Rights Management.  I like to think that thanks to this link he might now get even more.

Thanks to @MandyPandy32 and @JeremyAngel for the Wiki link, and @algernonradish for the picture.)

J’accuse!… is a post from: David Schneider's website

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